"I do what I do for the people who believe in me, not for the jerks who don't." - Terry Fox "..because you never know when true happiness will rear its ugly head." - Mark Rapp "I'm not suicidal, I'm Catholic!" - Sonia "Once again, real life rears its ugly head right in the middle of my movie!" - Jim & Mark "I want my last words to be: Quick! Hide the 8 ball and lose the hookers, I think I'm having a heart att-[gurgle-gurgle].." - Mark "With my luck, my last words will be: Of course it's not loaded! See?" - Jim "Don't sleep drivey." -Missy "You know, that whole internet thing is just crazy!" -Jack Brown "Dead horses eat no hay" - Mark Rapp "Is there a wall there, or what?" - Ron "It's called a WINDOW. Sit down, Ron." - Jim (Knocking on window)"It's like really hard air." - Mark "Do you want to read my underwear?" - Girl on train "Sure. You bet. Yes!" - Mark & Jim Girl lifts skirt to reveal "Michael" stenciled across her ass. "I'd let you read mine, but it's in braille." - Jim "You do realize, nobody's going to believe us." -Jim (Later at McDonalds) "This has to be a movie, because this shit doesn't happen in real life." - Mark & Jim "But it will be so cool if I make it." Jim (Ususally just before sustaining and injury) "Well, experience is something you get right after you need it." - Jim (Usually right after sustaining an injury.) "You know, for a guy who doesn't date much, you sure seem to have a lot of ex-girlfriends." - Bill "That's because I know what I'm doing." - Jim "So why did you dump me?" - Ex-girlfriend asking for the 159th time in the 6 years since we split up. "This is why. This conversation. - Jim "You're seeing a whole team of psychiatrists, aren't you?" - Jim "I've gotten the 'friends' speech so many times, I actually corrected a woman who gave it to me." - Jim "Do you think you and I could give the dating thing a try?" - Jim "I don't think that's such a good idea" - Woman "I must have been thinking of two other people." - Jim "I'll never understand women, and if I did, I probably wouldn't believe it." - Jim "I fucked her so hard, my ass hurt." - Jim "Give me a minute, I have to call my stalker back." - Jim "This won't take long, I'm not that good" -Jim "I'd give my left arm to be able to play guitar." - Jim "Similies come to me like, well, a lot." - Jim "Oh, there's something on my good shoe! This is the one I sit on." - Rhonda "Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject." - Jim "Remember, that's not rain. That's god peeing on MY HEAD!" - Jim "I hope you finish feeling better" - Rhonda "Well, hindsight is 50/50." -Rhonda "I sound better on paper." -Rhonda "You're making my dimples hurt for fucks sakes!" - Tracy "Oh my god, I'm peeing here!" - Tracy "There, that wasn't so easy now, was it?" -Jim "Where are we? And who dressed us like this?" - Jim "What's another word for Thesaurus?" -Jim "Tell you what, you keep talking. I'll be just over here trying to care." - Jim "It does so fucking look like her!" - Picasso "The difference between Genius and Stupidity is that Genius has limits" - Albert Einstein "I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying." -Oscar Wilde "There are 10 kinds of people in this world. Those who understand binary, and those who don't." - unknown "You go to Heaven for the weather, and Hell for the company." - Russian Proverb "The courage of my friends brings me justice." - Proverb "The courage of my enemies brings me honor." - Proverb "Often a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success." - Jim Backus "To you I'm an atheist, to God, I'm the loyal opposition." - Woody Allen "You know when you really want something, you close your eyes and wish for it really hard? God is the guy that ignores you. " McCord (The Island) "I used to think if I died in an evil place then my soul wouldn't make it to heaven. Well, fuck. I don't care where it goes as long it ain't here." - Chef (Apocalypse Now) "It's not lying, it's a gift for fiction" - David Mamet (State & Main) "Just because I don't know what it is, doesn't mean I'm lying." -Strange Brew "Give me a glazed doughnut, and a bottle of anything... to go!" -David Lee Roth "Because we can't remember their fucking names." -Keith Richards (Upon being asked why they called the album "Some Girls".) "Just because the fucker's got a library card doesn't make him.. Yoda." - Bradd Pitt (SE7EN) "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." - Ernest Hemingway "Do, or do not, there is no try." -Yoda "I don't think I'm alone in the world in imagining this flick may be the worst idea since Greedo shooting first." - Holden (Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back) "What's a nubian?" - Banky (Chasing Amy) "Are you my caucasian?" - Larry David (Curb Your Enthusiasms) "You magnificent bastard, I read your book!" -Patton (Patton) "Hitler did a lot of stuff, but don't we all wish he would have just stayed home and gotten stoned?" - Dex (Tao of Steve) "Am I supposed to remain celibate while I, like, bask in the warm glow of your annihilating contempt?" - Dex (Tao of Steve) "Survival of the fittest, Max. And we've got the fucking guns!" - Marcy Dawson (Pi) "I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again." -unknown "The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist." - unknown "You're gonna listen to me? To something I said? Hasn't it become abundantly clear during the tenure of our friendship that I don't know shit?" - Brodie (Mallrats) "You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?" - (Happy Gilmore) "Give me conformation, there's someway outta here." - Roger Waters (Who Needs Information) "You'll work harder, with a gun in your back, for a bowl of rice today." - Dead Kennedys (Holiday in Cambodia) "There are no unbeatable odds, there are no believable gods." - Ozzy Osbourne (I Just Want You) "She said meet me in the Garden of Gethsemane my dear, The Lord said Peter, I can see your house from here." - Roger Waters (It's a Miracle) "Help me, help me, help me sail away, Or give me two good reasons why I oughta stay." - The Kinks (Sunny Afternoon) "No broken hearts, no broken necks." - Keith Richards (Wicked as it Seems)